


Shriveled Sunflower

by aMUSEing



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Childhood Friends, F/F, Flower Language, Hanahaki Disease, Love Triangles, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, Weight Issues, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28088898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aMUSEing/pseuds/aMUSEing
Summary: Honoka Kousaka loves school. She loves her club, she loves her friends, she loves being an idol.But one thing is tormenting her.That dark blue sea that pulls her under the waves away from her glorious sunshine.And the petals she can’t help but cough up each time she is engulfed under the waves.
Relationships: Kousaka Honoka/Minami Kotori, Minami Kotori/Sonoda Umi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	1. Daffodils

**Author's Note:**

> This work will have scenes where the main character vomits, has coughing fits, anxiety attacks, weight mention, etc. please be careful.

_ Blue hair, _

_ Yellow eyes, _

_ calm, stern demeanor, _

_ caring and sweet interior. _

_ Umi Sonoda sure was one of a kind.  _

_ And me? _

_ Who could love an idiot like me? _

  
  


Honoka Kousaka walked down the halls of Otonokizaka with her usual pep in her step. Another beautiful sunny day with her friends; a day to make memories and share laughter. 

Yes, Honoka loved school more than anyone else. The classrooms bored her, but the experiences it brought enlightened her. She never would have discovered the school idol club, which had introduced her to current group of friends, without school. For that, she would be eternally grateful. 

It’s because of school that she and her friends grew so close. Somehow, even the bond between her and her two childhood friends deepened. The trio was as strong as ever. 

But Honoka couldn’t help but feel a little itch in the back of her throat as she peered into her classroom. 

The sight of light ash-blonde hair was so refreshing. To Honoka, it was like a breath of fresh air or the feeling of the sun after days of clouded skies. Paired with that beautiful long hair was a pair of golden eyes. Golden eyes filled with kindness, empathy and understanding that could melt any frozen heart. 

And yet, those feelings were washed away by the dark blue that invaded her senses. 

That dark blue, always paired by a mature, respected aura. An aura that overshadowed Honoka’s childish one. The shade of blue was like an ocean. It’s rocky waves always managed to swallow Honoka whole. As Honoka’s light diminished, the feelings of despair and anxiety filled her, swallowing her whole. 

“Ah? Honoka! How long have you been there?”

A glimpse of golden light. 

Honoka smiled, stepping into the room and closing the door behind her. “Sorry! I didn’t want to interrupt you both.” A half truth laced with bitterness. 

“It’s rude to listen in to other’s conversations, Honoka.”

Deeper and deeper into the depths she goes. 

Honoka swallowed hard, a wavy smile somehow managing to stay on her face. “Sorry, Umi! I’ll knock next time!”

“Please do.”

Kotori giggled. 

And just like that, she was pulled back up to the surface. But just the presence of that dark blue kept her head bobbing above the water, gasping for air and trying desperately to hang onto the feeling of the warm sun. 

“Well, since we’re all here, let’s go out to that cafe I mentioned!” Kotori smiled, clasping her hands together. 

“Yeah!” Honoka chirped, enthusiastically punching the air. “I’ve been excited to go all day!”

Umi shook her head disapprovingly, a small smirk on her face. “Don’t eat too much, Honoka. You might not be able to fit into your costume for our next live.”

The waves are growing stronger. 

“Uuu… You’re so mean, Umi!” Honoka pouted, shoving her bottom lip out for a dramatic effect. 

Another giggle from Kotori and another breath of fresh air. “Now, now! Let’s not dwell on that and just have fun today!” The ashe-blonde stood up from her desk, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “Let’s hurry before it closes!”

Honoka nodded, staying on Kotori’s left as Umi stayed on her right as they walked down the hall. “I’m excited to try those parfaits they have!”

  
  
  





  
  
  


“Mm!” Kotori placed a delicate hand on her cheek as she took in the wonderful sweetness of the macaroons in front of her. “These are somehow better than last time!”

Honoka nodded, picking up her third macaroon and popping it into her mouth. “Yeah! They really upped their game! I might need to see if I can help improve my family’s recipes with this in mind!”

Umi nodded politely, smiling warmly as she raised her cup up to her lips. “That would be nice. Just make sure not to get too carried away.”

“Umi~! You’re being so cruel!” Kotori pouted, giving Umi a playful shove. 

Umi’s cheeks grew red. “Honoka simply needs to learn how to be an adult, is all.”

A bittersweet giggle from the sweetest girl Honoka ever knew. “Come now! Lets just enjoy these sweets!”

“I suppose you’re right…”

Giggles and smiles exchanged between the two of them as the orange haired girl across the table sat in disbelief. 

A pain. 

A sharp pain Honoka had never felt before grew inside her chest. 

It grew slowly at first, a faint feeling. Almost like a mild heart burn. But it began to spread. Wildfire in Honoka’s lungs. Clouding her senses, squeezing her lungs close as if vines were crawling over every inch of them. 

Honoka’s hand flew to her chest, squeezing her uniform in a failed attempt to soothe the pain. Eyes wide, cold sweats, breathing labored. 

Why?

  
Her eyes frantically scanned her surroundings, yet they were too blurred and unfocused to take in anything around her.

Why was this happening?

“Honoka?”

Honoka’s eyes focused enough to see Umi and Kotori gazing at her, both of their eyebrows knitted in concern.

Itching. Scratching. The back of Honoka’s throat was crawling. 

“A-Ah! Yes! Sorry! P-Please excuse me, I forgot to tell mom I’m going to be late today…!” Honoka fibbed, rising up from her seat. 

“Oh, okay then.” Kotori nodded, a lingering smile of concern tugging on her lips. 

A sigh from Umi. “Really, Honoka. You should plan things better.”

Pain. Pain. Pain. Squeezing. Aching. 

“Umi! Be nice~!”

Giggling, smiling, blushing. 

“I-I’ll be right back.”

A daze. A light headed daze. Uneven steps made their way to the bathroom next to the cafe’s register. Legs buckling, eyes wide, adrenaline pumping. 

As soon as the bathroom door closes behind her, Honoka felt safe enough to make a mad dash for a stall. With no regard of privacy, she threw open a stall door, leaving it ajar as she threw herself over the toilet bowl. 

Scratching. Itching. Crawling. 

Sweet melody of giggles.

Aching. 

Golden eyes shining with the sun. 

Squeezing. 

Ashe-blonde hair waving in the wind. 

Growing. 

Accompanied by dark blue hair. 

Regurgitating. 

  
  
  





  
  
  


Retching. Cough. Sputter. Spit. Sigh. 

Orange hair stayed flat against Honoka’s forehead, drenched with sweat. She couldn’t bear to open her eyes. The overwhelming feeling of sore stomach muscles from vomiting was tiring. Yet, the adrenaline continued to pump through her veins like a drug. 

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. 

Honoka’s racing heartbeat began to slow in tune with her rhythmic breathing. 

_ What was that? _

Honoka squeezed her eyes even tighter as she tried to remember what had just happened. 

_ Lunch with Kotori and Umi… Things were good… We talked about upcoming shows… And then Umi said something about my weight again… Kotori scolded her and yet… They began to laugh? Smiling and blushing at each othe— _

Itching. Burning. Crawling. 

Honoka slapped a hand to her mouth, forcing back the burning feeling in her throat. With calm steady breaths, she began to fight it back. The fatigue ached. 

_ I need to get back out there and tell them I’m okay… _

And so she opened her eyes. That was her first mistake.

The second Honoka opened her eyes, she wish she had kept them shut. She wishes what she had seen would be wiped from her brain. 

_ What.. is this? _

Honoka’s eyes widened. Her mind was racing. One half of her wanted to run and the other wanted her to lean forward and confirm what she was seeing. Unfortunately, she chose the latter. 

Gripping the seat tightly, Honoka leaned forward at the pace of a snail. Her knuckles and face alike began to turn a ghostly shade of white.

The smell of bile and stomach acids was heavy and in her face. It was disgusting and overwhelming to breathe in, but it was nothing compared to what was swimming in the bowl. 

Tiny, yellow petals that belonged to a daffodil floating innocently in the bowl, swirling and dancing as if to mock the panicked girl. 

_ What… is this? _


	2. Chrysanthemums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy more pain!!!

“Honoka!”

Honoka stepped out of the bathroom, wiping her mouth with the back of her sleeve quickly. With slightly uneven footing, Honoka walked over to the table where Umi and Kotori sat, putting on her best smile. “Hey, sorry! I’m back now!”

“What did your mom say?” Umi asked, inspecting a macaroon in between her fingers. 

“Huh?”

“...You left to talk to your mom, right?”

_ Oh. _

“Ah! R-right! Sorry! Yes, she said it was okay!” Honoka quickly waved her hands dismissively, smiling all the while. 

“Ah, I’m glad!” Kotori sighed, happily sliding a new macaroon over to Honoka. “In that case, you should try this one!”

Sunshine. Warmth. 

Leaping at the opportunity to feel more of this warmth, Honoka gladly took the treat in front of her and popped it in her mouth without question. Almost immediately her eyes lit up, clinging onto the napkin in her hands. “Mm!!” She hummed, squeezing her eyes shut. “This is so good! You have such good taste, Kotori!”

Kotori giggled, that ashe-blonde hair framing her face perfectly. 

The sun. Shining so brightly. 

“Hehe! Thank you! Even Umi liked it!”

Clouded. 

Umi looked up from the macaroon in her hand and froze, her face turning red. “Wh-what do you mean ‘even Umi’? I can like sweets!”

Raining. 

Kotori’s sweet smile only grew. “You’re just so shy, is all!” Her hand raised. 

Waves pulling her under. 

No. 

Kotori’s index finger made contact with Umi’s cheek in a playful poking matter, her smile as radiant as ever as Umi blushes wildly. 

Engulfed, drowning. 

Without thinking, Honoka stood. 

“Honoka?”

Itching. Squeezing. Ache. Ache. Ache. 

“I just remembered, I… I have to walk the dog!” Frantic lies spewed from her mouth in a desperate attempt to escape. 

_ Why do I feel the need to escape…? _

“Huh? But didn’t your mom say—“ Umi raised an eyebrow, suspicion painted all over her face. 

“Yes! B-But I feel bad! So I’m gonna make it up to her!” Honoka scrambled for her bag, haphazardly throwing it over her shoulder. “I’m sorry guys! I have to go!”

Kotori’s eyes softened, her brow furrowed. “Alright… Have fun, I guess?”

_ I hate lying to her. I want to stay. I want to be here with her. Why can’t I stay?  _

“Yeah! I’ll see you guys at school!” And with a quick turn on her heel, Honoka sped walked to the front door, not even bothering to flash a quick smile to her friends like she normally did. 

The feeling of the fresh air hitting her was like a slap in the face. The air smelled of coming rain and sugar from nearby shops. Usually Honoka enjoyed these small pleasures, but today all she could notice was the growing ache in her lungs. 

_ Why did I run? _

As soon as she was around the corner, her pace quickened. Her eyes began to sting. 

_ Why couldn’t I have stayed? _

Her speed walking progressed into a jog. 

_ Kotori… _

And before she knew it, she was running. Running for some unknown destination. The sting of the wind and her watering eyes was the only other thing she could feel besides the crushing feeling of her lungs aching. 

_ Umi… _

The wind breezes passed her. She was frantically running as if someone was chasing her. Her footwork sloppy as she began to slip on the concrete. The quiet sounds of the first rainfall hitting the ground was overshadowed by her shoes frantically hitting the floor as her legs carried her. 

_ What am I running from? _

And with that, her legs stopped. 

Honoka shook her head, looking around her. For some reason, her legs carried her to an alleyway a few blocks away from her home. This was definitely not in her normal commute. It was dirty, abandoned. Not a place a high school girl should hang out in. 

And yet, she was so tired. 

Her chest ached from heaving and the odd sensation of squeezing. Her legs ached from the running. Her entire body felt lifeless from the multiple adrenaline rushes that ended as quickly as they came. She was so tired. 

Before she knew it, her legs gave out and she fell onto her knees. 

...Huh.

It was raining. 

_ How did I not notice? _

Honoka stretched out her palm, catching a few rain droplets. Her lip began to quiver and her eyes began to water. 

_ What is going on…? _

Drowning. Gasping. Flailing. 

_ Huh. I’m crying.  _

She touched her cheek, feeling the salty tears that had spilled from her eyes mixing with the rain. 

Vines grew around her lungs, piercing into them. Little buds began to bloom the most beautiful chrysanthemums. Beautiful chrysanthemums that would go unnoticed until Honoka coughed them up. 

Shaky hands, quivering lips, tear filled eyes. 

_ Well, as long as I’m alone... _

With shaky movements, Honoka raised her hands to her face, held her head, and began to sob, her body curling into a ball on the wet concrete floor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little reminder that this is NOT yandere at all. This is simply how the disease is affecting Honoka’s mind.


	3. White Lillies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that this is not yandere at all. It is simply the disease warping Honoka’s mind.

Honoka balled her covers in her fists, shivering. After yesterday’s horrific discovery, Honoka had caught a cold. It’s no wonder, she did sit in the rain for a while.

She sniffled, rolling over onto her side. Her head was on fire and that annoying scratching in her throat hadn’t gone away. Somehow, it got worse each time she thought of her friends. Specifically Umi and Kotori…

Scratch. 

“Mmngh..!” Honoka groaned, burying her head in her hands. Just what was going on with her? She couldn’t tell anyone about the weird flower petals, they’d never believe her. But why was this happening? What did it all mean? And what was the connection with—

_ Knock knock.  _

The orange haired girl turned her head towards her door, furrowing her brows in worry. Kotori and Umi did say they’d visit after school, so she should be ready... But for some reason, all she felt was dread instead of her usual excitement. 

“Come in.” Honoka croaked, immediately coughing into her hand afterwards. As the door opened, Honoka weakly propped herself up by her elbow and then sat up straight against her head board. 

Kotori was the first to enter, her amber eyes alert with worry. As soon as she spotted Honoka, she rushed over, throwing her arms around her friend. “Honokaaa!” She wailed, gripping Honoka tightly. 

Honoka smiled weakly, patting Kotori’s back. It felt like her entire body was engulfed in warm sunshine. 

Following suit, Umi entered with a small tupperware box in her hands. “Kotori!” She scolded, eyes narrowed. “Honoka is sick! You need to give her space!”

The clouds began to form. 

“I-It’s okay, Umi!” Honoka smiled, waving her hand dismissively. “But really, Kotori, you might get sick!”

Kotori sulked as she pulled away, sitting on the floor next to Honoka’s bed. “Sorry…”

Umi huffed, striding over and taking her seat next to the ashe-blonde. “We need to be considerate.”

The clouds were swirling around Honoka like vultures. 

Umi smiled weakly at Honoka, holding out the tupperware she brought along. “Here,” She said with a polite smile. “My family decided to make you some soup.”

Despite whatever was happening to her, Honoka couldn’t help but light up at that. Eagerly, she grabbed onto the box and smiled widely. “Thank you, Umi!”

Kotori giggled.

Sunshine peered through the clouds. 

“Hey, Honoka?” The ashe-blonde asked, tilting her head. “Want me to feed you like when we were kids?”

The sun was overwhelmingly bright. So warm. So inviting. 

Honoka’s face immediately lit up, her cheeks bright red. “Th-Thats—“

But of course, before she could do anything, Umi made a startled gasp, cutting Honoka off. 

“K-Kotori!” Umi stuttered, her own cheeks dusted with a light pink. “That’s shameless! We aren’t children anymore!”

Clouding. 

Kotori took her eyes off of Honoka to focus on Umi, a mischievous smile on her face. “Oh? Why not, Umi?”

The waves began to get rockier. 

“L-Like I said, it’s shameless!” Umi retorted, inching away from Kotori. 

Kotori giggled, poking Umi’s cheek once again. “Umi~! You’re no fun!”

Swallowed by the waves. Getting harder to breathe. 

“S-Stop!” Umi blushes wildly as she tried to shove a giggling Kotori away. “This is far too shameless!”

Honoka’s lungs were burning. Aching. Squeezing ever so tight. As she watched her two friends tease each other, she could feel an anchor being tied to her, pulling her further down under the waves until she was forced to breathe in the salty water. 

Gasp. 

Frantically, Honoka slapped her hand to her mouth, eyes wide and frantic. The aching, itching, scratching was back. For whatever reason, it was worse than ever. It felt like she was dying, like barbed wire was wrapped around her lungs and squeezing them together. Her eyes watered as she began to break into a cold sweat. 

“Honoka?—“

And it all came rushing out. 

Quickly, Honoka grabbed the trash bin next to her bed with sweaty hands. The moment it was on her lap, she slammed her head into it, coughing as hard as she could. 

Her eyes were stinging, stomach muscles aching in agony, lungs pierced by an unknown force. Her heart felt like it was on fire as she continued to cough so hard it felt like she might vomit. 

It hurt. It hurt. It hurt so bad. 

  
  





  
  


It felt like forever until the coughing subsided enough for Honoka to speak. When she lifted her head out of the bin, she turned her head to see Umi and Kotori a feet or two away from her, eyes wide with concern and panic. 

Honoka managed to fake a smile, a very small cough escaping her lips. “S-Sorry!” She laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “My cough has been really bad lately…”

Kotori and Umi shared a worried glance before Umi spoke. “Honoka, do you need anything? Sh-should I go empty out the bin—“

“NO!” Honoka hugged the bin close to her chest, eyes wide and frantic despite the sweet smile on her face. “No… I might need it later.”

Kotori put a hand to her mouth. She looked so small; terrified and meek. 

Umi retracted her hand, swallowing hard before turning to Kotori and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. 

Ache. Ache. Ache. 

“...Okay.” Umi finally spoke. It seemed like Kotori was on the verge of tears and couldn’t speak. “We’ll be heading out now. Please eat some of the soup my family has prepared.”

Before Honoka could say goodbye, Umi closed the door behind her and Kotori, leaving Honoka in a deafening silence. 

Honoka finally snapped out of her daze when she heard the front door of the shop open and close. With watery eyes and shaky hands, Honoka looked down into the bin in her lap. 

White lily petals with little crimson splatters across their delicate petals. 

_ Why me? Why me? Why me? _

The taste of iron suddenly invaded her mouth, making her queasy. It was like her mind was trying to shield her from the reality, only making the taste apparent now.

_ Did they notice the blood? _

Deciding not to dwell on the thought, she tied the plastic bag up before setting the bin back down next to her bed. And for but a moment, she sat in silence, almost as if all emotions had been shut off. 

The only sound in the room being the air conditioner from downstairs, Honoka felt her heart begin to pound. 

_ Why me? Why is this happening? Why? What is causing this? Why me? Why me? _

The built up emotions finally began spilling over the edge. In a mixture of frustration and despair, Honoka gripped her pillow, stuffed her face into it, and began to wail. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST BLOOD OH GOD.   
> I’m gonna wrap this one up in... 3 chapters maybe? I’m free balling this as I go haha.   
> Next fic tho will be a YouRiko princess AU mayhaps.


	4. Aconitums

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL READY FOR THIS? BA DA DA *PAIN*

Honoka barely slept last night. After Umi and Kotori’s visit, her horrible coughing fit, and the pain in her lungs, things suddenly felt a lot more surreal. It was as if her brain tried to shield her from reality and failed. 

Honoka pulled out her laptop, placing it on her lap as she sat up in bed. Whatever this was, she was going to get to the bottom of it. 

She tried a few searches. 

  
  


_ How to stop coughing fits _

_ Heart burn symptoms _

_ Why are my lungs constantly squeezing? _

_ Throat itching _

_ Strep throat symptoms _

  
  


Unsurprisingly, none of those searches aided her. She felt silly typing into the search bar and asking “why am I coughing up flower petals” so she tried postponing it for as long as she could. Though, if she wanted this to end, she needed to bite the bullet and get it over with. So with shaky hands, she typed into the search bar.

_ Flower petal diseases _

_ Can the human body cough up flower petals? _

_ I’m so lost _

_ Coughing up flower petals _

_ Coughing up flower petals, chest pains, heart ache, lung problems  _

  
  


For whatever reason, that last search seemed to do the trick. Near the bottom of the first page was a link to a website titled “2ThrwUPflwrs.”

Honoka cringed at the typing. It was so messy and missing a few letters, plus it made her uneasy. Biting her lower lip, Honoka clicked the link. 

Her screen was immediately filled with an aesthetic nightmare. The site looks like it was made in the 90’s with the cluttered format. The only colors used were white, black and red. White background, black text and red underlining. There were occasional pictures of flowers on the sides of screen.

Grimacing, Honoka’s eyes scanned the site and began to read the text under the label  **_“About the Hanahaki disease.”_ **

  
  


_ “The Hanahaki disease affects the human soul and body. The disease causes the host to cough up flower petals of all kinds, each flower meaning something. It can also cause delusions in the host, making them act in ways they normally wouldn’t (i.e. lashing out, mood swings, etc.). _

_ The Hanahaki disease originates in Japan. The word hanahaki is a fusion of the words  _ **_“hana” (flower)_ ** _ and  _ **_“haku” (throw up)._ ** __

_ The disease is usually stemmed from unrequited love, although there have been rare cases of the disease stemming from unknown reciprocated feelings. _

_ The disease starts in the hosts’ lungs, stomach or heart, although it is traditionally formed in the lungs, filling them up with various flowers. Vines will begin to poke out from the organ, wrapping themselves around them and squeezing them tighter and tighter over time. As this occurs, the buildup of flowers increases. The user will either die from the vines or the flowers suffocating them.  _

_ The disease is painful and slow. It will grow worse over time with no hope of fixing it at the moment (unless the case is of the rare kind where the feelings are reciprocated but unknown).  _

_ Symptoms of the Hanahaki disease are: _

  * _Coughing that grows worse over time_



  * _Itching in the throat_



  * _A painful feeling in the lungs, heart or stomach._



  * _Heart burn_



  * _Coughing up blood_



  * _Coughing up flower petals_



_ If you are suffering from the disease, I advise you to confess to the person you love. You could be a rare one.  _

_ Below are photos of evidence of people suffering of the disease or the aftermath of the disease. Please continue at your own risk.” _

  
  


Honoka leaned back in her chair, heart racing. With shaky hands, she ran her fingers through her hair and out of her face. Did she really want to see those photos…?

Scrolling ever so slowly, she caught a quick glimpse at a photo. 

A pool of blood with beautiful petals swimming in the crimson liquid. 

Immediately she scrolled up, shut the laptop and put her hands over her mouth, eyes wide and frantic. Reality began to crash. Everything was becoming more and more real, and Honoka didn’t know if she could handle it.

_ But… All of that sounded like my situation… _

She swallowed hard. The only way to fix this was to confess to someone she loved in hopes it would be a rare chance to survive. But...

_ The person I love…? _

She sighed, closing her eyes tight.

_ Before I do anything, I need to calm down… _

With shaky breaths, the orange haired girl managed to calm her heart beat, if only a little bit. She felt better, if that was any consolation. 

Letting out a sigh, she put her head in her hands, her brow furrowed as she racked her brain for an answer. 

_ Okay, Honoka. Think! _

She scanned her brain. 

_ Person I love… I love everyone, but who do I love romantically? I don’t think I have a crush on anyone right now… Eli? No. Nico? No. Maki? No. Umi? No. Kotori— _

A blast of warm sun hit her like a bus. The sun was shining intensely, raising her out of the dark waves that had once engulfed her. She felt so safe and secure in this light. 

And then the sight of golden eyes and ashe-blonde hair appeared in her mind through the beautiful rays of sunshine. 

Her eyes flew open. 

_ Oh god… I love Kotori… _

It should have been obvious, but for the orange haired girl it felt like a revelation. Her constant desire to be with her, the way she felt so secure with her, the way Kotori always knew how to make those butterflies rise in her stomach like they were about to preform…

_ AM I AN IDIOT?! _

Honoka stopped herself from hitting her hand against the table in frustration. It was so clear, so in her face! She felt like such a dummy for not seeing it… But at the same time, the realization made her giddy. Kotori Minami, her childhood friend, was her first love. How fitting. 

But… She probably doesn’t like me back…

Ache.

_ But who would she like…? _

Itch.

_ Oh. She would like Um— _

Burning. Burning. Burning. 

This was worse than yesterday, somehow. Just the idea of Kotori loving Umi sent Honoka’s body into a spiral. She could feel the petals grow by the dozen in her body, filling up to the brim in her lungs. It burned horribly. And the vines, god, the vines… They seemed to squeeze her lungs even closer together, piercing them deeply with the thorns. 

Searing white pain invaded all of Honoka’s senses. With shaky movements, Honoka was barely able to grab onto the bin next to her through coughs. Once it was secure in her hands, she gripped onto it so tight it felt as if it would snap in half. 

With adrenaline pumping wildly in her veins, she sped up her movements ten fold, throwing her head into the bin and coughing up as much as she could. The burn was unbearable, the itching was like it was teasing her. No matter how much she coughed, the itching wouldn’t subside. 

  
  





  
  


Once things had slowly calmed, Honoka raised her head from the bin, wiping the blood and spit mixture dripping from her mouth. The smell and taste of copper was overwhelming. 

Gaining enough courage, she peered into the bin below her. Aconitums petals covered in crimson. Were they naturally that red? Honoka couldn’t tell. 

_ “The disease causes the host to cough up flower petals of all kinds, each flower meaning something.” _

Honoka’s eyes widened. 

Daffodils, chrysanthemums, white lillies and now aconitums…

Frantically, she typed ‘flower languages’ into the search bar.

  
  





  
  


_ “Daffodils: originally symbolized selfishness, _

_ (Yellow) Chrysanthemums: originally symbolized sorrow _

_ White lillies: most associated with funerals, soul departed, restored innocence after death _

_ Aconitums: caution, misanthropy and death.” _

  
  


Honoka leaned back in her chair. The adrenaline slowly pumped back into her veins, making her shake in fear. 

_ The symbolism keeps getting worse... _


	5. Dark Crimson Roses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honoka dies, not clickbait.

Honoka was everything but fine. It had been a few days since her breakthrough and she managed to act healthy enough to go to school. Although, that was far from the truth. In reality, things have gotten worse. The flowers bloomed every three hours, each time causing more pain than the last. 

The last time it happened she nearly passed out. Blurry vision more than likely from blood loss, stomach muscles so sore she couldn’t move… This disease was such a pain. 

_ I can't think about that right now.  _

Thankfully, Honoka had made it to the end of the day with only two frantic trips to the bathroom. In a cruel twist of fate she learned when the flowers were beginning to bloom. It took so much out of her to suppress them during class with Kotori and Umi so close to her. 

But it was time now. Right before Honoka had left, she slipped a tiny note onto Kotori’s desk. Umi had to step out to go talk to Maki about lyrics, so it was the perfect opportunity. Honoka’s note simply read ‘please meet me on the rooftop.’

So now she stood in the middle of their usual training area, fidgeting with her hands nervously. Her heart was beating so loudly she couldnt hear the bell ring in her ears. No matter what she did, she couldn’t calm down. 

Not only did this talk mean if she’d lose her best friend/first love, but it also determined her survival. 

_ If I die? _

Honoka stopped twiddling her thumbs to look up at the orange sky, smiling slowly. 

_ Then that’s that, I guess. _

“Honoka?”

Honoka’s shoulders stiffened as she sweet voice filled the area. Her heart pounding and palms sweaty, she forced herself to smile widely before turning around. 

“Kotori!” She greeted, waving as her friend walked towards her. “Sorry for calling you here so suddenly.”

Kotori smiled sweetly. She looked both scared and relieved at the same time. Her poor heart was probably so worried for Honoka…

“It’s fine, I didn’t have anything to do anyway.” She tugged on her bag’s strap, shuffling awkwardly. “What did you need me for?”

The orange haired girl felt her eyes widen involuntarily. “W-Well, um,” She scratched her cheek, hoping that something so nonchalant would distract Kotori from her obvious blushing. “I had something to confess to you.”

Kotori tilted her head to the side like a puppy. “Something to confess?” She asked, a tiny grin making its way onto her face. “Did you forget to train? Or maybe you don’t fit into your costume anymore?”

Honoka couldn’t help but laugh, lightly holding her sides to suppress the pain. Even when she was at her worst, Kotori’s infectious smile and sunny aura made her happy. Nothing could make her sad around this girl. Even the idea of death. 

“N-No, actually.” Honoka said as she slowly stopped laughing. “Luckily it’s nothing like that.”

“Good,” Kotori smiled. “I’d hate to tell Umi not to yell at you again.”

_ “Umi.” _

Ache. Ache. Ache. 

“Honoka?”

Honoka wiped the grimace from her face, awkwardly smiling. “Y-Yeah.” She mumbled, kicking her feet. 

“I swear it’s like we’re your parents sometimes!” Kotori smiled, putting a hand to her cheek.

Itch. Itch. Itch. 

“And you're like the hyper kid!” 

Pain. Pain. Pain.

“T-Totally.” Honoka grimaced once again, her hands traveling to her chest to hold it, as if it would relieve any of the pain. 

Kotori giggled, oblivious to the contorting pain on Honoka’s face. “Honestly, we act like an old married couple—“

“Kotori.”

Honoka bit her lip, struggling to contain her coughs. Her eyes were wide despite her attempts to seem relaxed. 

Kotori’s eyes fell. It seemed she noticed how pale Honoka had gotten, how thin and small she had become. The lifeless eyes trying their hardest to sparkle like they always did. “Honoka?” She asked, extending a hand. “Are you okay?”

Sun. Such warm sun. So blinding. So welcoming. 

Honoka managed a sincere smile through the pain, a tiny cough escaping her lips. “Y-yeah,” She confirmed, nodding weakly. “Kotori, I really need to ask you something.” She said hoarsely, taking Kotori’s outstretched hand in her own.

She didn’t care about the topic anymore. The pain was growing unbearable. Her legs were shaking uncontrollably, her vision blurring. Each second passing was excruciating. She felt like she might collapse at any moment. 

“Y-Yes, of course. Honoka, what is it?” Kotori grabbed both of her hands now, mirroring the same frantic urgency as Honoka. 

“Kotori,” Honoka squeezed her hands. Her own hands were so cold and dead compared to Kotori’s. She really was withering away, huh?

“Kotori, do you have feelings for Umi?”

_ What? _

Honoka’s eyes widened. 

_ No. I didn’t mean to say that… Why did I say that? What came over me? _

Through the haze, Honoka could see Kotori’s face transition from worry to shock, her golden eyes wide and confused. “Honoka, I—“

That was it. The flowers were overflowing, the vines squeezing so tight Honoka couldn’t breathe. Honoka pulled away from Kotori, covering her mouth quickly. 

“Honoka, what is going on?”

She could barely hear her first love speak over the adrenaline rushing through her veins and heartbeat in her ears. She began to break into a cold sweat as the itching made its way up to her throat, the roof of her mouth and then..

She couldn’t hold it in. She couldn’t hide it. Her legs buckled underneath her. She collapsed onto the ground, struggling to prop herself up as she coughed wildly. 

“Honoka!”

She could barely feel Kotori’s warm and inviting touch on her back as she coughed, coughed, and coughed. Flower petals gracefully floating and beautiful crimson dripping onto the floor. Her vision was getting hazier and hazier, her eyes watering uncontrollably. Her muscles began to give out. 

The arms propping her up lost their support, collapsing underneath her until Honoka was curled on the floor, retching and coughing as her life began to dwindle away. 

Through the coughing daze, she could barely make out Kotori leaning over her. She looked so scared, so fragile… So worried…

With a glance over to her right, Honoka saw the large splatters of blood next to her head mixed with beautiful red rose petals. 

Her eyes trailed back up to Kotori, who was shaking her lightly, tears forming in her eyes. 

“Honoka!”

_ I’m sorry, Kotori. _

  
  


“Honoka! Please!”

  
  


_ I couldn’t say it after all. _

  
  


“Don’t close your eyes! Please, hold on!”

  
  


_ You deserve so much better than a coward like me.  _

  
  


“Keep your eyes open! I’m calling the girls!”

  
  


_ You must be so scared right now, huh? _

  
  


Honoka slowly inched her hand towards Kotori’s free one, smiling lightly. Kotori looked down, grasping her hand as she frantically held her phone up to her ear, tears streaming down her face. 

  
  


_ I never wanted to make you upset, you know? _

  
  


“Honoka, please, stay with me— Eli? Oh my god, Eli, please—“

  
  


_ I’m sorry for being so selfish.  _

  
  


Honoka’s eyes began to flutter shut, her consciousness fading. 

  
  


_ Maybe in our next life, _

  
  


“HONOKA! Eli, please, come to the roof! Honoka’s hurt—“

  
  


_ I can say it properly. _

  
  


“Honoka, open your eyes! Please, don’t do this!”

  
  


_ Goodbye, Kotori Minami. _

  
  


“Honoka, p—“

  
  


Everything faded to black, and the warmth left Honoka’s body as she began to fall down, down, down into a well full of flowers. 

  
  
  
  


_ Dark, crimson roses: Symbolize sadness, death and mourning.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was clickbait lol she’ll be fine. it’s angst with a happy ending, after all. i feel like this chapter isn’t very good but like i didn’t rlly know how to make it better? feels bad.


	6. Honeysuckles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN SO BADLY IM SORRY,,,  
> i haven’t had any motivation to rewrite it and i feel like i’ve gone too long without an update. i’ll try and make the next chapter better!!!!

It felt like years since Honoka last opened her eyes. She really struggled prying them open with all the sleep crust on her lids. Her head was buzzing and her arms weak. 

_ How long was I out..? _

Carefully, she propped herself up by the elbow and raised her hands to her eyes, wiping away any extra sleep crust. Upon opening her eyes, she immediately winced. The sun from the window next to her was blinding. 

_ Was it all a bad dream? _

Her eyes adjusting to the brightness, she squinted to make sense of her surroundings. A mounted TV on the wall in front of her, IV bag next to her bed... 

_ This… isn't my room. _

Honoka looked down at her arm to see where the IV had been inserted. For some reason, being in the hospital wasn’t the scariest thing about this situation right now.

_ Am I still in danger? _

Honoka huffed, putting a hand to her chest. She felt… lighter, but was that any consolation? Maybe the flowers were calming down, by some miracle. Maybe the doctors did something that made them wither. Either way, a momentary feeling of freedom and relief was good enough, even if it might not last long. 

The orange haired girl sat back in the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

_ Last I remember, Kotori was with me as I… _

She winced, placing her hands over her eyes and groaning. 

_ Kotori… She must be so scared… I’m such an idiot.  _

In the end, she couldn’t confess to her. Something stopped her, pulling her deeper and deeper into the flowers. 

_ She called for the girls, too… God… _

Honoka jumped as a small knock sounded on her door before opening. 

She sat up quickly, eyes fixated on the door as a nurse walked in, eyes wide. 

“Oh, you’re awake!” The nurse smiled kindly, clutching her clipboard to her chest. “Thank goodness. Your friends have all been very worried these past few days.”

Honoka blinked. “Days—?”

“I’ll go get the doctor,” The nurse nodded politely, giving Honoka another small grin to put her at ease. “He’ll explain everything to you and then we can call family and friends, alright?”

Honoka bit her tongue and nodded, faking a smile. “Alright, thank you.”

As the nurse closed the door, the realization of how hoarse her voice was suddenly hit. 

_ Is it because of all the coughing? _

That wouldn’t surprise her…

  
  





  
  


Honoka sighed, resting back in bed after a small bathroom break. The last few hours were… a lot. The doctor came in, had the nurse switch IV bags and explained to her that the coughing blood was caused by pneumonia. Honoka decided it was best not to mention the flowers or the shocking amount of blood. He then prescribed some medicine and left to call family. 

Honoka’s family was there instantly. With each one of them in tears, they hugged her so tight she felt like her lungs would burst yet again. The nurse had to practically pry her weeping dad off of her. They spent hours switching between lectures on health and tearful concern, which oddly warmed Honoka’s heart. 

And then tomorrow would be her friends visiting.

She groaned, laying her head on the pillow. The day seemed to go by so fast, yet it was only 6:52 PM. She really didn’t want to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow with the knowledge that her friends would show up with a multitude of questions…

She loved them all so dearly, but the idea of answering all those questions was already overwhelming her. How was she going to explain all of this?

Another knock at the door sent Honoka three feet into the air. 

“C-Come in,” She wheezed, trying desperately to calm her heart. 

The door opened to reveal her nurse, smiling apologetically. “Sorry, miss Kousaka. I know it’s late but there’s a visitor here. I-I can ask them to leave, if you want.”

Honoka tilted her head. “A visitor?”

The nurse nodded. “Yes. I understand if you feel too burnt out after today.”

Honoka shook her head, smiling. “No, no. Maybe Yukiho forgot something.”

The nurse raised an eyebrow. “So that’s the name of your friend, hm?”

The orange haired girl raised an eyebrow in response. “‘Friend’? Yukiho is my sister.”

The nurse shuffled on her feet. “Ah, I see. Well, she described herself as a friend, so…”

Honoka’s eyes widened. If it was who she was thinking of…

“A-Ah! Please, send them in!” She croaked, stiffening her posture. 

They smiled, grabbing the door handle. “Alright. I’ll send her down.”

And with that, the nurse disappeared with the door closed behind her. 


End file.
